Confessions of a Laid-off Lawyer

Just Your Average Joe Blogging Away His Debt—In One Year or Less

Lent Hands

with one comment

Total Black: $348.90
Total Red: $227,843.18

My mother and sister visited earlier today.  Since my father passed from cancer a few years ago, we’ve made it an annual event to get together around his birthday.  While we were having brunch, the state of my finances came up.  My sister is usually the one to broach the topic.  In the spirit of this blog, I came clean about my total debt load to my family.  My mother already knew the state of my financial affairs.  My sister as well but, based upon her reaction, she wasn’t aware of how much I owed.  It felt good to just unload this weight off my shoulders.  The danger, however, is that your release can become another’s weapon.  Exercise caution.  Today my sister didn’t use my debt against me.  But she has in the past.  Instead, I learned—from my mother—that people back home are taking different measures to help me out.  Made me feel really . . . weird.

In Getting Out of the Quicksand, I referenced the conflicting emotions I experienced upon learning of the first donation to this project.  And in Mothers I mentioned my frustration that everyone within my mother’s reach knows of my current jobless state.  Today I found myself revisiting those emotions.  According to my mother, various people back home are praying for me, including the local undertakers.  (Not sure how I feel about funeral directors praying for me.  But maybe they have a stronger connection.)  In addition to prayers, a friend of my mother’s has been buying raffle tickets and filling them out in my name.  I don’t even know her.  Putting other people’s names on a raffle or lottery ticket is an awesome and practically free way to help someone else  though.

Learning of these lent hands triggered feelings of humility and gratitude but also anger and irritation.  Asking for help and being prepared to receive it are two different things.  Very often we hold on to our crosses because we’ve carried them for so long we can’t imagine life without them.  Or perhaps we don’t think ourselves worthy of salvation.  I know that quite a few times I’ve felt ashamed of my frustration with my mother.  She’d only hear of this blog if it somehow grabbed massive attention.  But I love her and I thank her.  One thing I can say is that this project has definitely been an experiment in humility.  And it’s only just over a month in.

Written by Laid-off Lawyer

September 19, 2009 at 23:20

One Response

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  1. I have started a new blog about helping people find information – my first posts are all about finding a job, you may find something of interest there http://helpfind.wordpress.com/

    helpfind

    September 20, 2009 at 01:48


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