Confessions of a Laid-off Lawyer

Just Your Average Joe Blogging Away His Debt—In One Year or Less

As Above, So Below

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Total Black: $3,311.75
Total Red: $230,569.24

I started re-reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne again last night, shortly before my midnight bonfire.  Like many books in my life, this is another I haven’t finished yet.  But I’ll have to buckle myself down to finish it.  I felt better last night as I read it.  It’s authenticity aside, it is a book full of hope and empowerment.  That’s something anyone can use.  

The first few lines of the book open with a paraphrase from the Emerald Tablet: “As above, so below.  As within, so without.”  It’s an interesting idea that everything is one and one is everything.  The main thesis of Byrne’s book is that our thoughts create our reality, that the law of attraction causes us to bring into our lives that which we think.  So if we think about debt, we’ll get more debt.  If we think about being wealthy, we’ll attract more wealth.  I’ve come across this principle in other sources, generally that thoughts can rewire brain chemistry, for example.  So I’m not unfamiliar to it.  The thought that my thoughts can shape my reality may be very compelling, but it’s quite difficult to maintain.  So this afternoon while cleaning my apartment, I vacillated between moments of near panic and forced positivity as I recalled the lessons of the book.

I don’t understand how debt can have such a physical hold on us.  It’s just money.  It’s not as if I were held at gun-point.  Yet my adrenal glands seem to respond with the same level of intensity, a grip on my chest so tight you’d think I just received news of a terminal illness.  I’ve had to exert massive restraint to keep myself from taking the bulk of total black, which is already allocated to checks for September and October rent, and sending it to the New York State Department of Taxation and Finance.  But I know that would lower my standing with the court once my court date arrives, if my checks to the landlord had bounced.  Still, it seems that a tax lien is more important than a bounced check to the landlord.  Problem is that I don’t have a source of income yet to replace any money I were to “borrow” from other accounts.  But enough of that.  Yet again I’m slipping back into dwelling on debt.

I decided to ask for $20,000 by the end of next week and $230,000 by the end of the year.  According to the book, no matter how impractical, the universe has got to reflect back to me what I’m thinking.  So, I’m also envisioning the day when I can write the numbers in for total black and total red and have them be reversed.  As above, so below.  As within, so without.  Can’t hurt to try.

Written by Laid-off Lawyer

November 1, 2009 at 23:04

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