Confessions of a Laid-off Lawyer

Just Your Average Joe Blogging Away His Debt—In One Year or Less

Writer’s Block

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Total Black: $63.94
Total Red: $231,284.24

I suppose it happens to the best of us. Typically I sit at the computer and something comes. Very seldom is it planned or thought-out in advance. Today I’m dry. It’s late. I’m tired. And I can’t think of anything to write about. So instead, a quick update.

I had the interview with the law firm for the possible contract attorney position I mentioned in Riding the Roller-Coaster.  It really reminded me of what I vehemently dislike about large corporate law firms. I don’t know if the person who I interviewed with actually had my resume. I assume the temp agency sent it to him, but it’s also possible he didn’t even bother to look at it. I mentioned my experience at the firm and how I had worked abroad for a spell and then quipped that, like Gilligan’s Island, it wasn’t a three-hour tour. He then proceeded to mention how studies have been conducted into whether guys prefer Mary Ann or Ginger. I laughed, awkwardly. I hadn’t heard that before but I ran with it, explaining that I can see how some guys might like the more wholesome Mary Ann type versus the more risque Ginger. He laughed. I laughed awkwardly again. Somewhere in the middle of all this laughing I thought he somehow asked me which type I preferred. It also could have been a question phrased in the second person but more meant for the third—how Americans use “you” when we mean “one.” I laughed again, assumed he meant one, and then jokingly asked about Mrs. Howell guys. A pretty funny retort I thought. Of course he missed it entirely and then said that he supposed there are Professor guys too. To each his own, he said. Or something along those lines. Somewhere in this disaster he also mentioned how his Bible study class discussed the Simpsons and how many episodes of the cartoon are lifted nearly whole-cloth from passages of the Bible. That’s when I started to get more panicked. A (straight) friend of mine commented that he was probably trying to smoke the gay out of me. To see either if I am gay, or if he had my resume and knew that already, whether I’d flaunt it in his face. That’s not what I took away from the interview, but in retrospect I can see it. Talking about girls or Bibles always makes me nervous. Put both together and I’m more jumpy than a virgin at a prison rodeo, as Blanche once said on the Golden Girls.

What does any of this have to do with the practice of law? Or with me earning $32 an hour to sit in a conference and review documents? Fuck all. But gaining entry to the corporate lawyer’s lair is typically predicated upon placating their concerns that they can talk with you however they wish. God forbid they feel uncomfortable. It is their firm after all and you’re there to gain access. So, there I was, keeping him entertained, doing my little dance to impress this straight, white, married man. Pictures of his wife and children plastered all over his office and he’s asking whether I’m a Mary Ann Man or a Ginger Man. See, the men who control access to large law firms are mostly interested in bringing on lackeys and sycophants. In law firm training parlance it’s called “relationship building.” You’re supposed to try to solicit work from these men, pursue them like a lover, listen with rapt attention to their stories of “the old days” or whatever else they may want to tell you. Watch the sauna scene from Philadelphia and you’ll understand. It’s just some dimwitted excuse for personality cultism. They don’t want the best workers. If that were the case, women and gay men would be the partners and CEOs across the country as we’re often the ones who get things accomplished. But I digress. That’s not the topic of today’s entry. We’ll see if I get offered the position. He said he’d get back to me by the end of day. It’s one minute to midnight and I haven’t heard anything yet.

In other news, I worked my first shift at the theatre gig tonight. It was interesting. I still don’t know how much I’m earning. I assume minimum wage. My co-workers assumed I was an actor like the rest of them. That was interesting. They got excited when I said I’m a lawyer, I suppose because I did something different. I think working this gig will help keep me balanced.

Written by Laid-off Lawyer

November 23, 2009 at 23:59

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